Donald Trump, Your New Emperor of Wine, Rates the 2015 Bordeaux

You know what’s wrong with Bordeaux? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with Bordeaux. It’s made by French people. Did you know that? Yeah, totally made by French people. So no wonder I didn’t like any of the 2015 Bordeaux I tasted—French people are losers.

More winey satire from The Hosemaster.

The HoseMaster’s Comprehensive Guide to Wine

And wood also breathes, though its breathing is rather labored because the barrels are smoky. Most of the barrels are made from French oak. The oak from France is preferable to, say, American oak because when it comes to nuance and flavor, as with everything else, France surrenders easily.

via HoseMaster of Wine™: The HoseMaster’s Comprehensive Guide to Wine 2.

I forgot to post this when the source article appeared—just found it in my drafts folder.

HoseMaster of Wine™: The HoseMaster’s Comprehensive Guide to Wine 6

For example, a wine lover might say, “This Chinon certainly shows fabulous terroir.” Now that you have the insider information, you know that he’s just remarked, “This Chinon certainly shows I have no fucking idea what I’m talking about.”

via HoseMaster of Wine™: The HoseMasters Comprehensive Guide to Wine 6.

I just love this guy!

Lo Hai Qu Starts Her Wine Club!

… last time we got some Spanish white wine–first of all, who wants Spanish white wine, man, that’s like Mississippi vodka or something, you just know when you put it in your mouth you’re gonna start playing some albino banjo, and bad enough it’s Spanish white, it’s from some weird grape called Hondarribi, which my Dad used to drive a beat-up 1989 one,…

via HoseMaster of Wine™: Lo Hai Qu Starts Her Wine Club!.

More vinous fun from the HoseMaster.